


The Only Way I Know How To

by CloudDreamer



Series: Theater of Tragicomedy [14]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudDreamer/pseuds/CloudDreamer
Summary: To be Vriska Serket is to 8leed.
Relationships: Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Series: Theater of Tragicomedy [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383865
Kudos: 7





	The Only Way I Know How To

Your life flashes before your eyes, and it’s all in pieces. 

Fragments. Shards. All your worst moments, and even some of your best, distorted and twisted from a different point of view. 

She slams you against the hard concrete, and you feel each bone fracture, then break, then bleed. You try to scream but no breath comes from your lungs. Tears fill your eyes, and you want to say sorry, sorry, but you can’t push them out from the prison of your lips. He stands there all the while, just watching you bleed. 

You see yourself battered and bruised from his eyes, and he doesn’t hate you, not after everything you did to him. He loves you, looks up to you, with the the sweetness of hard candy tossed from a wriggler’s mouth and left to burn in the sun. It’s a sticky sort of love, the kind that attracts bugs, and there are bugs in your stomach now. Your stomach’s contents are expelled from your body violently, and you shake like you’ve just killed your first troll, and he’s there and he still loves you. 

That’s not love he feels, your want to shout. It’s pity, and pity’s good for no one. Not for you, not for him, and suddenly you’re in that moment on the cliffside again, watching him fall and something in the pit of you is falling too. You don’t scream. You smile, that shark toothed smile you learned from _her_ that you only put on when you feel like shit. 

You are fundamentally a broken person. That’s what the white text guy says to you, and he’s right. You call him a liar, you call him a freak, you call him every word that’s ever been thrown at you, and he doesn’t care. He never cares. There is implication in between every word he says, a million stories he doesn’t tell for each one he deigns to share. He drips with condescension, and he knows he’s better than you. You lash out, and every time he says you hate yourself, it’s a little truer. 

Your face melts, the explosion rocking your world as you stumble backwards, screaming _her_ name. You reach out for anything, anyone to hurt her with, to make her pay, and you find her lusus in slumber. You wake her up because to you, lusii bring nothing but pain. You bleed and you scream and nobody hears you. Nobody cares enough to find you.

You feel _her_ blade slide into your back, through your gut. The light symbol on your chest, yours, yours, yours, is stained cerulean, and it hurts like hell. You don’t die easily the second time. She misses your bloodpusher, and you wonder— did she do it on purpose? She had to have known. You don’t see the look on her face as she steps away from your body, tugging the blade out. You can’t, and if you did, you’d just want to apologize for existing. For not being Karkat, with his blunted edges and laughable kindness that keeps him reaching out to you when everyone else writes you off as a lost cause. For not being better, more just. 

You scream as Bec Noir cuts you down. You are a god, and you will not die like this. Not for nothing! Not when she’s gone, and she’s gone, and you want to cradle her body. You think for a moment it’s a good death if you fall by her side, but that’s not what this is, is it? This is your selfishness, your greed killing her again.

You see two of you standing in a void. A third thief watches, a mediator that doesn’t mediate, and you break your own heart. You don’t slap her— she doesn’t slap you. It’s not the blow it’s supposed to be. 

You’re supposed to take the blame. 

You’re supposed to suffer.


End file.
